Chapter Fifty-Six
The tavern was small with just one other waitress. Mildred never told her how old she was, but Lila thought she must be at least in her forties. She looked (as Merlin would have said) ridden hard and put away wet
with streaks of gray hair, sagging breasts, and a tight, leathery face. Most of the men at the bar were older too: working men who had retired from their jobs and moved to French Island for the excellent fishing. The bar didn’t have a full menu, so the owner’s brother doubled as the bartender and cook. It was smaller than the other places Lila had worked and easily the most depressing. The light fixtures were yellow from years of cigarette smoke; it was always dim inside regardless of the weather.
Lila had enough energy to work (barely), but inside she felt like something had broken. Maybe forever. One of the regulars had a son who was a police officer in Prairie du Chien. He often drove up to La Crosse to go fishing and drinking with his father. They both swore like sailors and told horrible, vulgar jokes. He flirted with Lila but so did most of the other men. Why did she agree to have sex with him? If she was being honest, it wasn’t really about the money (although he offered her more than usual—twenty dollars). She did it just to feel alive; to see if she could still feel something: desire, anger, happiness, grief. Anything.
Emma had always been so kind and supportive, but her face fell when Lila told her that she was pregnant again. At her first doctor’s appointment, her blood pressure was already high. The doctor told her that she would have to stay in the hospital until the pregnancy ended or the baby was born. By the time an orderly arrived with a wheelchair, her mind was as lifeless as a rabbit in the mouth of a fox.
Lila was not the one who named her last child. Larry was taken away immediately by the state of Wisconsin and placed into foster care. Her health had been declining since the pregnancy with Randy, but this time the doctors told her that she must not have another child; the stress on her kidneys would kill her. The adoption triggered an investigation. A social worker pressed her for information: where were her other children?
She was shocked when the state charged her with child neglect for leaving Hazel and Bonnie with the Jostads. The social worker pointed out that they were not family and were not registered in the foster-care system.
Lila said, How was I supposed to know? There wasn’t time to investigate before I dropped them off…it was an emergency.
The social worker had given her a handkerchief and it was already soaked. She continued, I see your point of view, Lila, but we need to sort this out. The state needs to ensure that your children are safe.
When the state pressed Herman for information, he filed for divorce. He had promised to treat Myrtle Joyce like his own child, but in court, he only took responsibility for John and Alice. It was a bitter ending to their marriage. Years before, Lila had given up getting back together, but she was stunned to be divorced. Marriage was supposed to be forever.
She was also stunned when the state began giving her welfare; she had never thought to ask for support. Faced with a choice between giving her daughters up for adoption (minus Alice, who had been claimed by Herman) or trying once more to raise them, she decided to give it her best. A social worker helped her find a new apartment near Copeland Park, but being a mother again was rough. Hazel was six years old, and Bonnie was five. They had been away for two years and barely remembered her. Myrtle Joyce was twelve years old and had a hot temper. It reminded Lila of her own mother; sometimes, when Myrtle Joyce yelled, Lila felt like a small child again. She had no idea how to repair the years of damage they had all endured.
Lila eventually found another job in a bar. For the rest of her life, she resisted taking any pills; however, she often drank to numb her feelings, which felt like impossible burdens.
Notes
Lila’s last child, Larry, was adopted as a newborn. The couple that adopted him, Chester and Gladys Peterson, had other biological children and were very kind. They lived on a small farm not far from La Crosse. My mother and her siblings knew about Larry; somehow, they found him when I was a small child. I remember visiting the Peterson farm and feeding carrots and apples to their Shetland ponies. Larry had a very different childhood from his siblings.
Decades after she was adopted by an unrelated couple, my Aunt June managed to get a copy of her original birth certificate and adoption papers. Her father was not listed, but the file included summaries of interviews that social workers conducted with Lila and Herman.
In the 1950s, social services in Wisconsin (foster care, welfare, food stamps, etc.) were changing dramatically. After subsisting for many years without support, I doubt Lila would have thought to ask for these resources on her own. June told me about the house near Copeland Park.
For more information, see State Department of Public Welfare1, Mark R. Rank2, and Christina G. Villegas3.
“Social Work in Wisconsin: Helping You to Become Skilled in the Art of Helping Others” (Madison, Wisconsin: State Department of Public Welfare, 1963).↩︎
Living on the Edge: The Realities of Welfare in America (New York: Columbia University Press, 1994).↩︎
Foster Care in America: A Reference Handbook (Oxford: Bloomsbury, 2022).↩︎