Chapter Thirty-Five
Since Myrtle was the one who told Veda about the baby and the date for the wedding, Lila was surprised to see Veda and Red as she walked down the aisle at Christ Lutheran. It was a sunny day in October, and the small church was bathed in a rainbow of light. Veda was holding a tiny baby, and Red was holding David. He had grown so much in the last few months. Myrtle was sitting next to them holding her namesake. She smiled as Lila walked past arm-in-arm with Herman’s father, Edward. Herman was wearing a three-piece suit that he had borrowed from John, the same suit John had worn for his own wedding.
While Lila was living with his parents, Herman had stopped by many times. Everyone said that he adored her, but he was so quiet…Lila still felt like she barely knew him. He was working on a farm near Hamilton, just outside of West Salem. The farmer knew that Herman was getting married but didn’t want to lose such a reliable and hard worker, so he offered him a small house on the property. Herman had given it a fresh coat of white paint and built some furniture; the Schneiders had added a mattress and some linens. Like the house in West Salem, it did not have running water or electricity. She would have to do everything herself—hauling water for the laundry and heating it over the wood-fired stove, lighting the kerosene lamps (which could explode and start a fire), canning vegetables without a second pair of hands—it was more work than she had ever done before, plus now she had a child. Was this really going to be her new life? Alice had patiently taught her some skills for living in the country like how to kill and pluck a chicken, but she wasn’t sure it would be enough.
Lila had gone back to Fields twice to order a dress and have it fitted, riding with Viola as she drove into the city to visit Myrtle. She was grateful for the money she had earned as a waitress. It was the only reason she could afford the dress. She was sure that Alice would have offered to make her one, but she had already been so kind and generous. Lila didn’t want to add to her burden. The dress was soft pink, with short sleeves and a long hemline. Everyone knew that white was for virgins. It did not have a train or a veil; the thought of having fabric over her face made Lila feel claustrophobic. The last fitting had been just two weeks before the wedding, but the dress was already a little loose. Her hair was falling out at an alarming rate; it felt thin when she brushed it on the morning of the wedding. Gladys had picked some white roses and pinned them to her dress. Herman also had one on his suit.
During the ceremony, Lila was in a haze. She followed the pastor’s instructions (With this ring, I thee wed…
), but it was like she was watching someone else get married, not going through it herself. Herman had purchased the ring. It was a simple gold band, and it was warm from being in his pocket. As Herman kissed her and took her arm so they could walk down the aisle as man and wife, Lila was suddenly grateful for his steady and reassuring presence.
They held hands as they greeted everyone outside; it was not a large group. After lunch, they would be driving to their new home. Lila heard, Let me take your picture!
The request was from Red. He was holding a camera. Lila thought that it must be new; she had not seen it before. Veda walked over and gave Lila a little sideways hug with her right arm. In her left arm, she was holding the baby. Boy or girl?
said Lila pleasantly, as if the fight between them had never happened.
Patricia,
she said with a flat expression on her face. Patty for short. Myrtle introduced us to your little girl.
Gladys was standing next to them, and Lila said, This is my sister.
Oh,
said Gladys, Pleased to meet you,
but then immediately walked away. (Months later, Gladys confessed that she had not been pleased. Where was she when you were pregnant and needed help? If I were her, I wouldn’t have shown my face at your wedding.
)
Veda said, Red and I have decided to sell the house. He has a new job as a fireman…we’re moving to a neighborhood closer to the station.
Lila was stunned. It was the house her father had built. The house where they had grown up. How could they just walk away like that? It felt like a rejection. Veda continued, We have a crate in the car with the rest of your things. Where would you like us to put it?
Herman had been listening to the conversation and said, I’ll put it in my truck.
He let go of Lila’s hand and disappeared with Red.
The day was supposed to be happy, but Lila suddenly felt sick to her stomach, I need to feed Myrtle and then I think it’s time for lunch.
Why did Veda have to tell her this news at her wedding? It could have waited.
We’re not going to stay,
said Veda as Lila walked away.
Nora was holding Myrtle Joyce and asked Lila what was wrong, but by then Lila was so upset that she was unable to speak. Nora handed Lila a handkerchief and said quietly, The pastor has an office next to the sanctuary. I’ll let you in and then give you a little privacy. I’ll let Gladys know where to find you when it’s time for lunch.
As promised, Veda and Red did not stay. Lila’s out-of-wedlock birth had caused such a rift in the Slaback family that Veda was the only one who attended her wedding. Lila had done the right thing and found someone to marry, but it didn’t erase the shame. When Lila realized later what had happened, she wondered if her parents and siblings would ever forgive her.
A friend of the Schneider family had made the wedding cake. It had many thin layers and was soaked with honey. It looked like the rings of a tree when it was cut open. Gladys leaned over and said, This is called a Baumkuchen, and it’s a special thing for weddings…it’s for sweetness and good luck.
There was no music and no dancing, but the Schneiders gave her a warm welcome to their family. Lila Schneider. Her new name.
When they arrived at the little white house, Lila was exhausted. It only had two rooms. In the front was the kitchen, which had a table and chairs, some shelves, and a wood-fired stove. In the corner was a tub for washing; the outhouse was in the back. There was a yellow curtain in the doorway to the bedroom. Lila pushed it aside and put the baby in the crib; she had fallen asleep during the drive. Herman set the crate on the table and turned to give her a hug. He was solidly built. Lila softened into his chest and sighed. For a little while, they just stood there embracing, not saying or doing anything.
Finally, Herman said, I need to milk the cows. Why don’t you take a little nap?
That sounds good,
Lila said.
They walked into the bedroom, and she sat on the bed. He took off the suit and carefully folded the jacket and pants. He would have to return them to John. He also took off the shirt and shoes that were his Sunday best.
For a moment he stood there in his undergarments. Lila wished that he would lie down with her. His warmth was comforting, and she wanted to know him better; she wanted him to know her too. A husband and wife should be intimate. Instead, he put on a flannel shirt and a pair of overalls. I won’t be long,
he said as he got dressed. He smiled at her and left the house without saying another word.
When he was gone, Lila went to the kitchen and looked in the crate. On top was her doll, Elizabeth. She had been put away for several years…Lila remembered holding her in her lap as they rode the train to La Crosse. She smiled and set the doll aside. She would give it to Myrtle when she was ready for toys. Under the doll was her uniform for the Girl Reserves. She rolled her eyes and wondered why she had kept it. Then she realized that she could reuse the cloth…she would make more diapers for the baby. Aunt Hattie would be horrified. Her rubber boots would be useful on the farm…so would the undergarments and dish towels. For a moment she was grateful that Veda had delivered the crate. Then she noticed the red uniform from Carroll’s. She held the dress up to her body and realized there was no way it would fit. For a moment she thought of cutting it up, but then she carefully tucked the shoes, the dress, and the shrug into the bottom drawer of the dresser. She wasn’t ready to give that memory up. Feeling tired again, she put the empty crate by the stove. She took off her shoes. They were beautiful satin slippers that she would wear as house shoes until they fell apart. She took off her wedding dress and draped it over Herman’s suit on the dresser. She would have to wash it before putting it away. Dressed in only her slip and camisole, she laid down on the bed and fell asleep.
Herman returned not long after she woke up. He was carrying a large pan with a lid. The farmer’s wife, Evelyn, had roasted a whole chicken with potatoes and carrots as a gift. It smelled delicious. Herman lit the kerosene lamp that was sitting on the table. He went outside again, and Lila wondered what on earth he was doing. He returned with some wood, which he used to start a fire in the stove. The day had been warm, but the night would be cold. He pulled two plates, two forks, and a large knife from the shelves and set them on the table next to the roasting pan.
Lila was feeding the baby. Would you bring me a glass of water?
Sure,
said Herman. Just a moment.
He grabbed a pail and went outside.
The water was ice cold. Why is it so cold?
she asked.
There’s a pump in the yard, but the water is from an underground spring.
It was like drinking water straight from an icebox.
The next day, Herman did not work. Although it was harvest season, Vilas had hired a local boy to help so Herman and Lila could have a little time together as a new couple. If Lila had realized what a hard worker Herman was, she would have savored that day so much more. Before going to bed, he had stoked the fire and put a pot of water on the stove. After spending the morning in bed, they ate the rest of the chicken, and Lila washed the pan with a little of the hot water. Herman had purchased some basics for the house—flour, sugar, salt, coffee—but he said that Evelyn would send some smoked ham and jars of fruit and vegetables for the winter. He proposed that they go fishing and pick a squash from the garden on the way back.
Lila had never been fishing before. She knew people fished along the river in La Crosse, but it was not something her family did. It was another beautiful day. The trees were brilliant shades of red, yellow, and orange; soon they would be bare again. Lila bounced Myrtle on her knee as she sat on a boulder by the creek and watched Herman fish. He quickly caught four trout and they walked back to the house. Lila watched as he gutted and scaled the fish; he made it look so easy. He told her to wait until the pan was blazing hot before adding the butter and the fish. It made the fish so crispy and good that she ate every morsel and sucked the bones and tail.
Herman was always quiet, but when they made love again (after the baby went to sleep), he was completely silent. He fell soundly asleep without saying another word. By the time Lila woke up the next morning, he had already left to milk the cows.
Notes
Living without running water and electricity is a lot of work. Growing up in the city meant that Lila had a lot to learn about living in the county. I was shocked the first time I stayed in a house that didn’t have plumbing (for a family vacation in northern Wisconsin in the 1980s). It makes even the most ordinary chores—like washing the dishes—complicated and time-consuming.
The idea of wearing white for a wedding was introduced in the mid-nineteenth century by Queen Victoria. Although it took several decades for white to become the standard in the United States, by the 1940s many Americans saw the white wedding
as a sign of the bride’s virginity or even as a religious requirement. Since Lila had recently given birth, I imagine she felt pressure not to wear white. The photographs of her wedding day are black-and-white, so I know the silhouette but not the color. My description of Lila’s post-pregnancy weight loss and hair loss is based on my own experience with an undiagnosed thyroid disorder. Lila had the same condition.
I was two years younger than Lila when I got married, but I was thrilled to shed my childhood name (Heather Wall) and take the name of my husband’s family (Akou). Unlike middle-class families with cars and vacation time, Herman and Lila could not afford a honeymoon. In this chapter, Lila is immediately confronted with the pleasures and difficulties of farm life.
For more information, see Sylvia M. Henderson1, Katherine Jellison2, Lowry Nelson3, and Rachel Ann Rosenfeld4.